I'm not brave

update: 8 days no seizure activity.
I wish I could give up on counting..ugh.

Thank you, thank you for the love, support and good vibes from all my friends and readers! It has been overwhelming! I have gotten a few times, "You are so brave."

Me? brave? NO.
I'm a chicken. At my age I don't need to fake being tough.
I'm cool with being a big 'ol el wimpo.
I lay on the floor, have a fit, take a nap for a day or so. repeat.
I have to live it no matter what. Seizures rob you of all self control.
I have no say. I can't make it stop. It's going to happen whether I like it or not.
Not brave, just going with the motions of my life.

There are a few brave people I know though.
The real Bravehearts of my life.
Michael and my boys have a say.
They can make a decision.
And as hard as it is to watch their mother or the love of his life shake uncontrollably..
As much as they just want to look away....
they stay.

They stay to make sure I don't hit my head.
They stay and hold their face close to mine so I feel less scared when I wake up.
They wipe my tears.
They rub my head where they know it hurts every single time.
They help me get into bed.
All three of my boys, just like Michael know, after a seizure I don't verbalize well but if I could, I would always ask for 3 advil and 2 tylenol.
Its there for me, with water.
Michael has done things he never thought he would do and probably never wants to do again.
He has held my hand night after night while I slept so he would wake up if I had a seizure in my sleep.
My 12 year old son has chaperoned me for walks to the mailbox to make sure I was safe.
Heck, Kye and Caleb still have to chaperone when I use the stove!

I am blessed.

These four guys have had endure a lot through all of this.
They are brave.
They are loving and kind.
They are my personal heros.

I am a woman with a seizure disorder, however, I am completely safe 99% of the time because of the amazing man and young men that stand beside me every single day.

That's totally AWESOME.

Talk Soon.
Melissa