I'm leaving no time to be sick today

I just can't listen to my body today. And I really can't recap my "BIG" appointment with my EX skinny guy neurologist today, I promise, next time. I have photos that ABSOLUTELY have to go out today..just have to and I have a family I need to find some sunshine for. Hence the red lipstick in the photo below. I love red lipstick. I look terrible in it. I used to care that I looked terrible in it. Now I don't. Now when I put it on, I feel like I'm wielding a super hero cape. I need super hero powers today. You know, completing the photo thing, bringing happiness to a family, those are big things. I just wanted to pop in and show you my brandy new hairstyle. I cut like a million inches off, I think. I love it. I get tired so easy, it pretty much rocked when it only took 3 minutes to blow dry my hair!
ok peeps, I'm off to deliver photos and sunshine. Must get off my rear before my body figures out that we are sitting down!
Talk Soon
Melissa

THE BEFORE:

THE AFTER:

New Additions to the Family

Welcome Brutus and Lulu. Aren't they just the sweetest things?
More about them soon.

Talk Soon

Melissa

An Update and a Photo Tour

I went to my neurologist again today...AKA "really smart skinny guy who has a hard time looking me in the eye", who by the way, just got a dapper haircut. I must share my hypothesis on Mr. Smarty Pants, I mean, if you have time....

I am 5' 4" 120 lbs.(and a big fat liar too, but for the story, lets just say that weight is correct)
Anyway, Michael is pushing 6' 3" 275. (Like big...lift weights big. Looks like he eats children for breakfast)
We go into these appointments together because I am pretty close to useless at remembering anything about anything. As I mentioned, this Dr. refuses to look me in the eye and if I start to get emotional...FORGET IT, he is outta there! BUT! He will look Michael in the eye. He directs most of the conversation to Michael and acts as if I'm just a house plant that Michael likes to bring along to appointments.
With this information, I've decided he either grew up with a very domineering mother "No more coat hangers mother!!" OR maybe he just doesn't like me. I will keep you all posted when my investigation progresses.

Anyhow...back to the regularly scheduled program:

DR: "No seizure activity? That's good."

in my head: no shit

All I could think about was ....what about forgetting everything every five seconds? Like, I'm getting worried the next thing is forgetting to wipe here Doc, I'm getting worried. Is it normal that I get winded loading groceries on that thingy at the the grocery store, you know that thing that goes around and pulls the groceries down....and this..am I going to be like this forever????? So, I have't chased my head in 10 days GREAT, am I going to be stupid for the rest of my life???? And am I ever going to sleep a normal night's sleep and feel rested and not feel like I need to sleep all day. Am I going to stop acting like a sketch ball every time I go out in public?

Michael asked the memory question.

DR: "Her brain is exhausted. It needs rest."

in my head: no shit

that's it.
Seriously. Thats it.
Michael says I have a need to be stroked by sunshiny doctors who will tell me it will all be ok.
He is right I do. If you are operating on my brain, then ok. I don't care if you don't have a sensitive bone in your body, but if I'm meeting with you every other week trying to fix something that I feel has somewhat changed everything in my life then I need a little something.


So, my goal is to fight insomnia so I can "rest" my brain. Jordan and I walked around the house and took some photos to pass the time...trying to keep myself from thinking about how badly I just wanted to lay down. Here are our results:

Jordan insisted on a photo of her crayon box which is actually on of my favorite vintage recipe boxes. She has pretty much taken it over though. I don't think I can even really call it mine anymore.

Wouldn't you love to see the beautiful lake behind my house? Me too. I wish the lazy woman who lived here would take down the damn wreath! For the love of God! It's near middle of January! Those windows could use some cleaning as well! Geesh!

I love this clock. I've owned it for years. At least 11. It has been 8:15 for as long as I have owned it. Now I actually have a valid excuse for not remembering to buy batteries! ha!

Oh my. This old girl reminds me of one of the great days my mom and I spent looking for yard sales. We always have a blast! This was at the very first place we stopped and I didn't buy it. I went on and on about this darn thing how it was only 5 bucks and worth so much more and I just needed it ( I love all things vintage) I drove Mom crazy all day talking about this thing. Mom brought me back to get it at the end of the day. I was so proud of my "find". So proud, in fact, today was only the second time I have taken it out of the box. WHAT WAS I THINKING????? We had a heck of a day together, that was worth more than any amount of money or any "found treasure".

Before all of this, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't create 'something'. Not just the art of my photography, but creating beautiful things is part of who I am, its what I do. I haven't been creative since August 12th. I'm actually scared that the seizures messed up the part of my brain that thinks and sees like I always have. Michael has always said: "I see things black and white...you live in color." I loved that about myself. Am I organized? Hell no. Do I plan? What is a plan? 

Those are things Michael is good at. I see beauty in most everything. I try to see the good in everyone. I love the world in color and I want to continue to add color to it. I want to be me.

This hangs in my dining room. 

My father always said:

Expect the worst, Hope for the best.

Heck with that expect the worst part....

with Hope and Gratitude and Love and Prayer and a whole lot of Laughter...its amazing how far you will go. 

Talk Soon

Melissa

What I've been up to...

Hey peeps. It has been a while. Totally my fault. It's me, not you.

sorry...I had to use the cheesiest break up line in the history of mankind.
Anyhow, let's get to business, shall we?
If you hadn't noticed, I started this blog, my facebook fan page etc. started going full force, then, I kind of disappeared. I chose to keep what was going on to myself because I didn't even know how I was dealing with it and being weak isn't my favorite thing to be. BUT because I wasn't around, there were unanswered calls, emails. people were wondering what was going on. So, either I play the shmuck or come clean. Since I have a new outlook on things..I've decided to come clean.

In the middle of August of this year I had my first grand mal seizure at 34 years old. The next day I felt like I had been run over by a truck and hit in the head with a sledge hammer, but I chalked it up to a high dosage of predisone I had been taking for some pretty severe poison sumac I had gotten on a family shoot.
Long story short, neurologist does all his tests...No, I have epilepsy and apparently always have. Any kind of stimulants are racing my heart blah blah blah....if you don't stop you don't see 50...whoa!!

I'm sorry really smart guy who can't seem to look me in the eye. That would only make my middle son thirty, that doesn't work for me.

I go home and change my life. I live the healthiest life possible. half a cup of coffee a day..that's it.
Running miles everyday, eating well. I'm a superstar!

In my eyes, it was a one seizure fluke.

Then.....they come and come and come, while on medication.
we up the meds, they come. we change the meds, they come, we up, they come.

RIght now I am on day 8 with no seizures. I want to do I dance but I don't have the energy.

In the last month and a half I had 54 seizures.
We don't understand why my seizures are so resistant to the medications, but they certainly are....well until now, fingers crossed.

Enough about the lame stuff....that's depressing....check this out:

I look totally awesome don't I? Which scares you more? the wires or my eyebrows?

This was my second one...I wish we had gotten pics of the first one. Oh yeah, I was all depressed and acting like a big ol baby then. haha.

This, my friends, is how one survives when they aren't supposed to do anything alone! A Nook has been added into the collection and I wear sunglasses while on my laptop at times (paranoid about the light) I can only keep concentration for a maximum of 15 minutes so my reading goes very slow. Ive read both of these anyhow, but they are worth reading over and over.

This is my girl Jordan. She has been coming with me forever. She calls me crazy Auntie. I love her so much. We always did projects and made cool things and played outside. One of my rules was that we didn't watch TV at Auntie's. Now that I'm sick, that's all we do. This particular night, I put one of my sparkly shirts over her jammies, put some costume jewelry and a bit of blush on and we decided my bedroom was the perfect place for a ball. It was the best ball ever. She didn't care if my hair looked like a "haystack" as she calls it, she told me I was beautiful and I told her the same. Everyone needs a niece like her. She lifts my spirit every week when she runs to the house yelling.."Crazy Auntie...I'm Here!!!!"

Talk Soon,

Melissa